


Pitter Patter Goes my Heart

by BabelFishing



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Confessions, Dreams and Nightmares, Embarrassment, F/F, Fear, Fear of Rejection, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, One Shot, Pining, Pre-Canon, Songfic, Talking, catradora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27327355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabelFishing/pseuds/BabelFishing
Summary: “Adora…are you awake?”A young woman’s hesitant voice floated out into the silent senior cadet dormitory. Her hushed tone was barely audible, even from a couple feet away. Her upright form blended seamlessly into the chamber’s inky darkness, save for a ray of moonlight reflecting off her heterochromatic eyes. To the rest of the chamber’s occupants, Catra was as good as invisible while she perched on her knees, just above her first, best friend.---Catra has something she needs to ask Adora, and her racing thoughts won’t let her sleep until she gets an answer. It all started with a nightmare, but in the silence of their dormitory, Catra still finds the courage to lean into a dream she’s long held in her heart.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 90





	Pitter Patter Goes my Heart

**Author's Note:**

> After catching this piece of fan art on Twitter, I knew that I wanted to bring this scene to life and tell the story of the moment. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> "Anxiety" by chun83_ on Twitter - https://twitter.com/chun83_/status/1294016081405702144
> 
> Title inspired by the song of the same name by Broken Social Scene.

“Adora…are you awake?”

A young woman’s hesitant voice floated out into the silent senior cadet dormitory. Her hushed tone was barely audible, even from a couple feet away. Her upright form blended seamlessly into the chamber’s inky darkness, save for a ray of moonlight reflecting off her heterochromatic eyes. To the rest of the chamber’s occupants, Catra was as good as invisible while she perched on her knees, just above her first, best friend.

In their youth, Catra had made a habit of waking up Adora at all hours of the night, often to participate in some precarious adventure around the Fright Zone’s vacant corridors. In this way, the pair had mapped out numerous secret passages through the Horde base’s air ducts, not to mention an assortment of secret hideaways in the base’s most concealed corners. The latter of these discoveries had saved their skins on innumerable occasions, especially when they jointly provoked Shadow Weaver’s ire.

But tonight’s disturbance wasn’t meant to elicit new revelrous antics. Instead, Catra knelt over her friend’s sleeping form in hopes of gently waking her and just…talking. Typically, Catra wasn’t one to just talk for the sake of conversation. But tonight, she’d been gripped by a desire to hear Adora’s reassuring voice. There was an unbearable urgency to her desire as well, one that had consumed the young brunette’s ability to sleep restfully.

That urgency persisted even now, after Catra’s first rousing attempt failed to produce any wakeful movement on Adora’s part. Adora had always been a heavy sleeper, Catra knew, when she actually decided to rest in the first place. If they were going to talk now, Catra decided that she needed to be more persistent.

“Adora, please…wake up.”

Catra recognized the desperation in her appeal just as it left her lips. But at present, her tone was the least of her concern. Right now, she needed an answer from Adora more than anything else and she was ready to shake the blonde fully awake, if that’s what it took.

Fortunately, such drastic measures didn’t appear to be necessary after Adora began to stir lightly. Upon noticing this, Catra placed a hand on Adora’s shoulder and jostled it firmly. Even through this, Adora remained wrapped up in the fog of her own dreams.

“Come on, Catra…I just need a few more minutes.”

Adora’s mumbling continued incoherently for a bit longer before trailing off into further snoring. Undeterred, Catra began shaking Adora’s shoulder once again, this time with greater vigor. After a few seconds of this, Adora began to stir again, this time with her hands reaching up to blindly swat away the nearby disturbance.

With this opening, Catra repeated her appeal.

“Adora, wake up…please!”

Her whisper had turned into a quiet shout now, one that still wasn’t loud enough to bother anyone beyond their shared bunk. Even so, Catra’s low roar managed to break through in Adora’s ears, causing the latter to jolt awake with a surprising level of alertness.

As if readying for an attack, Adora drew herself up sharply, such that her back was against the wall and her eyes were level with the yet unknown individual before her. The scant light in the barracks reached her eyes at that moment, allowing her to make out Catra’s silhouette against the room’s sterile grey walls. But that recognition didn’t kick in immediately, causing the awakened cadet to jump into auto-pilot.

“Force Captain Octavia! I didn’t mean to sleep in. I promise that it won’t happen again. I didn’t know that we were running morning exercises and…”

All of this came out as a rapid stream of consciousness, spoken at a volume too loud for the late hour. Fortunately, Adora’s sight managed to catch up to her voice when her friend’s feline eyes reflected mirror-like in the moonlight. In that instant, she realized just how loudly she was speaking as well, causing her to reflexively throw a hand up over her mouth.

Through her fingers, Adora then whispered, “Oh…it’s just you.”

Even with this recognition, Adora’s heart raced from the rush of being awoken so suddenly. But after taking in the sight of her best friend for just a few seconds, she felt herself relaxing once more. After all, she’d awoken to Catra’s eyes staring down at her more times than she could ever count. In many ways, this view had become fond over the years.

But just as soon as her vision confirmed the young brunette’s presence before her, Adora noticed that there was something…off about her friend. Usually, when Catra woke her up, she had a wild, almost mischievous look about her that signaled her interest in sneaking out. Catra’s wide grin in the darkness usually carried an invisible energy as well, one that made Adora all-too willing to follow along - even when her weary bones just wanted some rest.

Now, though, Catra’s narrowed eyes and flattened ears signaled an air of discontent in her mood. At first, Adora thought that her friend looked worried or even scared, as if she’d had an unexpected run-in with their shared maternal figure.

But as she looked on silently for a little longer, she noticed how much anxiety was charged into Catra’s tense expression. Such visible apprehension was so rare in Catra, who had mastered the art of hiding her emotions some time ago.

Even as Adora adjusted to her darkened surroundings, Catra remained silent and stationary on her friend’s outstretched legs. This silence, too, keyed Adora into the belief that something was truly wrong with her typically lively companion.

In a gentle whisper, so as not to wake any of the other cadets, Adora inquired, “Catra, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a pooka or something.”

Despite the urgency of her prior actions, Catra felt herself clam up suddenly upon hearing Adora’s voice. In turn, her gaze drifted away from her friend and out into the vague, dark distance. A response of any kind failed to find its way to her lips, leading to yet more silence between them.

These small, subconscious gestures all registered in Adora’s mind. She had seen this kind of behavior from her friend before, particularly when she was hurt or injured. Guarding was typical for Catra, Adora knew, but that didn’t make its present appearance any less concerning. After all, that kind of silent deflection all too often led to Catra suffering longer than entirely necessary.

Without realizing it, Adora lifted her hand from beneath the covers and raised it to Catra’s face. There, she placed her palm against Catra’s cheek with a tender kindness that could have waylaid any pain on contact. With her fingers then cupped softly under Catra’s jaw, Adora asked again, “hey, what’s wrong?”

In her friend’s warm touch, Catra felt a ripple of relief. But it wasn’t enough to prevent her from recoiling slightly and looking downward. Her eyes couldn’t meet Adora’s right now, not with what was on her mind. Not asking wasn’t an option, though, so she tried to steel herself by pushing all of that to the back of her mind.

After gathering her nerves, she grasped a bit of the blanket beneath her and softly asked, “have you ever thought about leaving the Horde?”

For a moment, Adora thought that she had misheard. How that was possible in an entirely silent dormitory, she wasn’t sure. But assuming that she hadn’t misinterpreted the question, Adora felt that her friend’s meaning was pretty clear.

Lowering her hand to her side again, Adora quietly responded, “where’s this coming from? Is something bothering you?”

Shifting slightly in place, Catra looked up for a moment and caught Adora’s concerned gaze. She’d seen those striking blue eyes a million times before, but they still pierced her in this moment. In response, Catra felt an abrasive spark catch internally, causing her to break eye contact and cast her gaze downwards once more.

“I…I had this dream,” she began to mumble, her words unsteady as she tried to recount her troubles, “and I couldn’t sleep after it woke me up. You were there and you left and it felt too real.”

Adora wasn’t sure how to respond at first, but she then realized that she wouldn’t have the chance. As if out of thin air, Catra’s expression suddenly grew more resolved. The brunette scooted herself forward slightly and placed a hand down on the bed at Adora’s side. She leaned in so that their faces were mere inches apart and repeated herself.

“That’s not the point, though. Just tell me – have you ever thought about leaving the Horde?”

It was clear to Adora now that Catra wasn’t backing down from this line of questioning. She wanted an answer, but Adora wasn’t sure she had a clear response in mind. So, she looked to the side for a moment and tried to recollect her past feelings.

“I don’t think I have,” she started in before faltering. After gazing at the tarnished steel floor for a few moments, Adora continued, “I mean, the daily training is tough, and the food is…grey. But this is my home, Catra. I have a purpose here, and a goal. We’re supposed to become Force Captains together, right? That’s as good a reason as any to stay.”

At first, Adora thought that this quick response had been enough to sate her friend’s concerns. But after finishing, Catra cut back in swiftly, her demeanor still earnest.

“That’s great, and yeah, I still want that, too. But would you ever leave, for any reason?”

Catra’s insistence sent Adora’s mind searching for a better answer, one that wasn’t being addled by her newly awoken state. It took a moment for the words to form, but Adora eventually concluded, “I really don’t think there is any reason for me to leave. Everything I’ve ever known is here and…” she trailed off slightly while looking to Catra with a smile, “you’re here. I would never leave you here.”

There was genuine reassurance in Adora’s tone that Catra appreciated and internalized. In part, that was the answer she was hoping for. But her thoughts wouldn’t let it rest, and she pushed the envelope further.

“So, what if I left then? Would you follow me?”

Adora was blindsided by the hypothetical, which she realized all at once could be a lot less hypothetical if Catra was asking it right now, in the dead of night. Reflexively, Adora felt herself tense up, fearful that the wrong response could push Catra to do something rash.

More than anything, Adora didn’t want her best friend going anywhere, not now or ever. So, she hesitated from answering the question directly. Instead, she tried to gauge her friend’s condition by asking, “wait, are you thinking about leaving? Is something wrong? Are you in danger?”

Catra sat back and rested more of her weight on Adora’s knees. With a sigh, she shook her head and denied any immediate risk.

“No, I’m fine right now…I think. No one’s coming after me, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Her throat dried up as she continued. “But Adora, I really have considered it before…leaving, that is. Everyone looks down on me here, and I know I’m never going to be good enough for them. It’d probably be better if I left anyway. Shadow Weaver would be pleased, I bet.”

By now, a few warm tears had begun to form at the corner of Catra’s eyes. Adora couldn’t see them, but she could hear them in her friend’s strained voice. Whatever had brought this on, Adora recognized that it was weighing heavily on Catra’s mind, even before the dream she mentioned.

After wiping away a few stray droplets, Catra went on.

“I actually thought about where I would go at one point, if things got really bad here. I tried, anyway, but I couldn’t even begin to imagine what I’d do out there without…” Her last word caught in her throat and she couldn’t get it free.

Adora didn’t seem to notice, though, as her previous expression of concern didn’t waiver. In truth, Adora was a bit absorbed with her own words, knowing now that the most important person in her world had previously considered running away, and might now be considering it again. She didn’t pick up on Catra’s truncated words, but she could tell that there was more to this story, if only Catra was willing to tell it.

“You said that you had a bad dream,” Adora prompted, “what happened in it?”

Catra wasn’t exactly excited to recount the dream, but she figured that Adora was the only person in the world that wouldn’t judge her for it. Besides, no one but her deserved to hear all of this.

“It started off pretty normal. You and I were out on a mission or something. Whatever it was, they let us borrow a skiff to scout part of the Whispering Woods. Halfway through, we were attacked, and we crashed deep in the woods. You tried to lead us back toward the Fright Zone on foot but then…”

Catra cut herself off prematurely, as if to gather her thoughts and emotions.

“Then, you found something along the way, something I couldn’t see because it was practically glowing. After you touched it, you disappeared all of a sudden in a burst of light. And when you reappeared, you told me that you couldn’t go back to the Horde anymore. You wouldn’t tell me why and you just left me there, alone in the woods.”

“And I know none of that is going to happen or anything,” Catra rationalized, “but it still felt so real.”

As vague as the dream was, Adora could tell why it was bothering her friend so much. Something about it felt cloyingly foreboding, even though Adora firmly believed that it would never come to pass. Even if it did, she’d never leave Catra behind to fend for herself in the Horde. Or at least, she hoped that she wouldn’t…

“It was just a dream, though,” Adora comforted. “We’re both here now and that’s all that matters.”

Something in Adora’s words now felt bitter on Catra’s auditory palate, like a sour medicine that was hard to choke down. They caused more tears to well up in Catra’s eyes, each of which trailed down her cheeks as she poured out more of her heart.

“It’s just…it hurt so much to see you walk away like that, from everything we’d ever done and everything we’ve dreamed of doing. You just acted like you didn’t care about any of that any more…about me anymore. It felt like you’d given up on me. And to have all of that happen without…without…”

Stuttering further, Catra blinked hard to keep more tears from pouring forth. Then, silently and unceremoniously, she leaned all the way forward on her knees, tilted her head slightly to one side, and greeted Adora’s lips with her own. With one hand bracing her weight, Catra now yielded to a desire that had burned in her heart for years and, just for a moment, it managed to silence her madding thoughts.

Her eyes now wide and alert, Adora felt herself flinch back slightly from her lifelong companion’s sudden movement. But even so, their lips remained locked, allowing her to close her eyes and return the gesture. As she felt the warmth of her rushing pulse reach her extremities, she placed her free hand atop Catra’s and squeezed lightly. It all felt so unexpected, yes, but she still relished every last second like a living memory.

Time stopped for the pair, long enough for them to linger in the feeling of their wordless connection. But Catra felt herself rush back to reality first, causing her to pull back and throw a mortified hand over her mouth, in part to recognize her perceived misstep and in another part, to savor that misstep’s dwindling warmth.

Through her splayed fingers, Catra tried to say something, anything that could justify her action. But only silence tumbled out and landed between them, heavy and uncertain. After lowering her hand, the brunette managed to gather her racing thoughts and finish her story.

“I didn’t get to tell you that in the dream and I..I didn’t want that nightmare to come true…any of it.”

Having said her peace, Catra turned to her side and laid back down, the weight of her thoughts finally lifting from her knees. As she did so, she moved to cover her head with her pillow, so as to hide from her emotions more directly.

Just before the pillow obscured her companion’s wild mane, Adora caught a glimpse of Catra’s face in the waning moonlight. In every way, she looked more embarrassed than Adora had ever seen her, right down to the slight red inflection of her cheeks. Touching her own cheeks, the blonde felt a similar radiance, though embarrassment played no part in its appearance.

For a moment, Adora wanted to ask Catra what she meant by, “I didn’t get to tell you that.” But the lingering static on her own lips told her clearly enough, without need for further clarification. It only took a second, but she felt that the message would remain, no matter where life ended up taking her.

Following her opposite’s lead, Adora laid back down, her head resting easily on her own pillow. Looking out into the dark dormitory again, she wondered what was now running through Catra’s head. If those same worries were still keeping her awake now, she thought that she might at least try to put them to rest.

“No matter what,” Adora whispered, just loud enough to be heard at the far end of her bunk, “I’ll always be with you. I don’t care if the Horde assigns us a million miles apart – I’ll always be with you.”

Beneath her pillow, Catra smiled at the thought of always being by Adora’s side, through whatever life threw at them. Perhaps it was a fantasy to believe that they’d never be apart. But still… she wanted to believe in that dream, at least for now.

For all she knew, though, her own spontaneity mere moments ago had initiated a new living nightmare. After all, that kiss could have created a rift in their friendship that no amount of apologies or sarcasm could repair. Worse yet was the prospect of rejection, the threat of which had already begun to bite at Catra’s mind like a fresh burn.

Despite those caustic sentiments, a positive voice still whispered into Catra’s conscious, searching for a silver lining in the fog.

_Adora didn’t pull away or tense up, did she? She looked surprised, maybe, but not scandalized – shocked, but not revolted. So, maybe that means she was okay with it…maybe._

In this pattern, Catra felt herself swinging back and forth between elation and despair without moving or making a sound. It would likely be enough to keep her awake through an eternal night, even for as weary as her bones now felt. If she could manage any rest now, Catra thought, it would be its own small mercy.

But even so, in her heart, Catra didn’t regret what she’d done. She’d given in to a feeling she’d had for as long as she could remember. But doing so didn’t feel like a mistake. It felt like a step forward to answering some of the “maybes” that had put down deep roots in her mind.

_Maybe Adora would leave and maybe she would stay._

_Maybe they’d talk about this in the morning and maybe they’d both keep their thoughts to themselves._

_Maybe it was the start of something and maybe it was the beginning of the end._

Finding those answers – about herself and the most important person in her world – would have to wait, though. For now, Catra just wanted to live in this silently chaotic moment, and let it solidify in her memory. Even if she never got the answers she wanted, Catra hoped that Adora wouldn’t forget how she felt – both awake and in her dreams.


End file.
